where flowers sprout wilted and brown

Do words really have meaning?
I've been meaning to ask.
Does it matter if i say what I mean?
Others tell me I'm mean to them.
Does it mean anything?


````

If you smell something and it reminds you of childhood and you tell someone else this and they have an inadequate response....are your memories useless?

No one will remember me.

````

I'm floating on a sea of endless waves.
I see your face and call for aid.
You smile blandly as you shade your eyes from the sun and wave.
Is it me or are you really the lost one?
I feel the coldness of the ocean seep into my skin.
My face burning in the light.
I feel the sadness dripping through my heart again.
But, really, I promise, I'm alright, don't worry, I'm alright.
I smile and make a joke and pretend that I'm on land.
When really I've already drowned.
There's no saving me now.

````

The heavy fruit keeps falling from the tired branches of the tree.
The dirt winds 'round the roots.
The wind flows gently through my hair and 'round my skin.
I'm so glad for this silence.

````

Poetry is flowing words directly from your heart, your soul, your essence.
It is not how many syllables you utter but only the meaning behind them.
What abject sillyness in trying to bring order to that which is inherently chaotic.

````

The end is not a beginning in disguise.
Every new beginning does not require something else's end.
Sometimes things just

````

nothing matters
depression doesn't hurt if you turn it off
then there's nothing
and nothing doesn't matter to me anymore


```

I would like to say that I've fallen asleep on the subway.....but that shit is loud

```

I barely feel
I'm wide awake and there's nothing to feel
nothing ever really changes

I want something but I can't decide if it's worth it.

```

I'm beginning to realize that nothing I've ever written as been poetic.
I've always thought it was.

But it's just a jumbled mess.

```

My brain is not on fire.....it's under a thousand gallons of water.

```

I was jealous once.
I still don't know exactly what I was jealous of.

```

I wish someone would read this and understand it.

left hand is left
right hand is right
left hand is wrong
right hand is a fist
left hand holds the cup
right hand holds the knife
left hand rots off
right hand hurts others
feet keep walking
mouth keeps talking
eyes close
feet stop
body falls

```

I cut off bits of hair
and make a pile
set it on fire
waste of matches

```

fake yellow flowers



nothing else


```

attraction

repulsive

sweat

vomit

saliva

an ocean is full of death and light

the light starts at the bottom

it covers everything in terrible alertness

it burns into being and it is...

...beautful and hideous...

...forever burning into me

saliva

vomit

sweat

repulsive

attraction

```

claws digging into flesh
tearing, squelching, bubbles of blood
ripping, bones breaking, organs rupturing
ear drums pierce by screaming
eyes dried and cracking, wide open in stunned horror
teeth shredding prey apart and swallowing loudly

but I'm at home watching tv

I thought I was dying. Then there was a song with words to light my way and dark shadows to ensnare me...it was all in my head though. Nothing is real it would seem.

 If you look West, you see the Sun

If you look East, you see Ice

If you look North, you see Darkness

If you look South, you see the Sea

Today I felt the earth move,
Today I watched the sky fall,
Today I smelled the flesh burning,
Today I saw it end.

Yesterday I laughed,
Yesterday we were together,
Yesterday the sun rose high,
Yesterday was a dream.

Tomorrow you will return to me,
Tomorrow we will be together again,
Tomorrow I will kill myself,
Tomorrow never even came.

~

I am so tired of everything.
All the same all the time.
Wish I had a pill for this.
Wish I had the will to stand.
Never saw it coming, your fist against my face.
But always felt I deserved it,
Even when you left me there,
Lying on the carpet naked.
I faded into it like a stain and lost myself that day.
I lost you that day.
Never thought about it before you know.
Never thought about the sound of laughter,
The warmth of love,
The thought of something better.
Just your fist teaching me the things I needed to know.
But I will end it just the same as it began,
With a gun to a temple and a thought of something better,
Than you or I,
And your fist.

~

 

Do you know where this road will lead?
I'm sure it ends suddenly,
yet where it ends, I can not see.

Maybe someday I will reach that place
where flowers sprout wilted and brown
and butterfly carcasses litter the ground.

Until then I am here...